Which credit cards do you accept? 

The plastic kind with the embossed numbers across the center.  Also the kind that are not stolen and haven’t reached their maximum spending limit. They also need to have a logo in the corner that says Visa, MasterCard or Discover. 

What is the Drink Thirty Return Policy? 

No way dude, you’re not going to want to return any of this stuff.  You must be one of those half empty types, aren’t you? I mean really, you’re asking about returning something before you’ve even bought it. But if you’re the wishy washy kind or you simply have a crush on the UPS guy then order away without worry - You can return it later.

 If you’re going to buy a CD or DVD, just know we only accept a return if it’s unopened.  Oh, did we ruin your plans for burning a copy?  

How do I get a catalog? 

Print all of the pages on the website, staple them together and then mail it to yourself.  There you go - you have a DrinkThirty catalog. 

Can I get a discount if I purchase a large quantity? 

Discounts? Discounts? Don’t talk to me about discounts. What, do you think this is a flea market? 

Can I get any free stuff or donations? 

Alas No. Next question. 

Is the information I submit secure? 

What do you think?  And if you’re still wondering if credit card information you submit through a secured checkout system is visible to the entire world, then you shouldn’t be shopping online.    

Can I call you with an order? 

No.  We don’t like to talk to people.  Online store, email, internet.  Get it? 

I have a question. 

Good for you.  

Oh, I suppose you’re looking to us to give you an answer.  Go ahead, we can make something up just as easily as the next guy. Have you heard the one “it’s on the water”.  Oh yeah, that’s a good one.  Ready, set, send it to TheBartender @ DrinkThirty.com